Fixing The Unfixable: You’re Not a Mechanic!

“Sometimes the easiest way to solve a problem is to stop participating in the problem.”

Anonymous

Okay, so this is one those post I left soaking in my drafts for at least 5 months now. And it wasn’t until recently that I felt the need to discuss the topic at hand.

I’m sure by now, we’ve all come across individuals in our lives who are considered stubborn, hard-headed, and cantankerous. Hell, we may even be viewed this way by those around us. Nonetheless, we may still be deluding ourselves by thinking that we’re special enough to change these kinds of people all the time.

We think that by going above and beyond for them on a daily basis, continuously being that shoulder for them to lean on, or that ever-listening ear that we’re doing some sort of good deed. But really, all we’re really doing is wasting our energy and enabling them to continue to be the very same thing we sought out to change.

And it’s annoying and frustrating when you repeatedly render advice to these people in your life and they don’t take heed. Even more so frustrating when you physically intervene, taking some sort of action to push them in a better direction than they’re heading and you see no change whatsoever.

But at some point in time, the bitter reality of it all is going to hit you. And it’s going to read all over your forehead that it was never your problem to begin with.

That said, today we’ll be looking at 3 instances in which you should back off and leave others to resolve their issues on their own. But before all that…

(If you’re new to Introverted-Insight, it’s really awesome to have you here. And if you’re a returning reader, welcome back! I’m always grateful to have you in my little space to be creative. By all means, enjoy today’s post and feel free to browse the site for more great content including short-stories and musical commentary!)

Now, let’s delve deeper into today’s post!

#1. Physical Appearances

Over the years, (especially having recently gotten a taste of college-life) I’ve noticed that not everyone can afford to be dressed-down in the latest and most expensive brands. The designer shoes, designer purses, jeans, shirts, sunglasses, and so on.

Not everyone has the disposable income (or a sugar daddy) to always have their nails done, have the latest iPhone, or have a new weave in every other weekend. Not everybody is afforded with the same type of luxuries. And the less fortunate should never be chastised for it.

So if you’re somebody or know somebody who’s always ragging on someone for their outward appearance and you don’t know anything about that individual’s personal life, STOP. Just stop.

Your constant scrutiny isn’t doing anyone any favors. You aren’t investing financially into that other person and you’re wasting your time talking about someone who couldn’t care less for your existence, let alone opinion.

On the flip side, there are some people who don’t have much, but you’d never know because they keep themselves well-groomed and take pride in what little they have.

There are even those who have access to the fancier things but choose to portray a more minimalistic look based strictly off personal preference.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, people look the way they look for a reason. And if you’re not willing and able to give them help and if they aren’t willing to accept said help, leave it alone. Mind your business. Worry about the moisture of your own weave.

#2. Relationship/ Family Conflicts

Surely these are two kinds of conflict we’ve all experienced in our lives. And they can be so overwhelming and seemingly impossible to overcome that we either begin to self-destruct or reach out for help.

And when we reach out, we do so to those who we feel are closest to us, our other family, close friends, a trusted mentor, somebody who will hear us out amidst the turmoil. Someone who we perceive to be trustworthy and level-headed enough to provide sound advice.

However, if you find yourself repeatedly trying to offer your assistance regarding the same set of conflicts, leave it alone. Take these words from an old post of mine (Knowing When To Hold Your Tongue).

You’ve said it once, you’ve said it twice, and now you’ve lost count of how many times you’ve gave this ONE human being the same piece of advice. You’re now annoyed and completely over it.

And you should be. You’re not a broken-record! Sooner or later you’re going to have to come to the realization that people aren’t only hard-headed or stubborn but, get a kick out of being the victim.

Walk with me as I put it all into perspective with an example. Meet Jane and Lisa, they’ve been close friends for several years now. Lisa has confided in Jane that her roommate keeps borrowing/using her things without her permission. Upon hearing this, Jane suggests confronting the roommate and setting some personal boundaries.

Yet instead of heeding to the sound advise, Lisa ignores it. She allows the situation to worsen and then comes back to Jane only to complain about it some more.

Now Lisa’s roommate went from moving lipstick and headbands to clothes and money. And Jane is tired of rendering her wisdom to Lisa who continues to complain, doubt her advice, and not even try. Sounds familiar?

They’re obviously not listening to you for a reason. Maybe they’re just comfortable with being the victim and enjoy leeching sympathy from others?

#3. Personal Development

Not everyone matures at the same rate. And age is definitely NOT directly proportional to how mature someone is. That said, I think it’s important for us to know that we cannot force people to grow at the pace we think they should.

We shouldn’t be constantly running around anyone to do the things we think or society thinks is becoming of someone within their age bracket. Usually people need to figure things out in their own time, in their own way.

Besides, there are a lot of factors that play into one’s personal development or the lack thereof, whether it be childhood environment, obsessive sheltering, early exposure to adult situations, family structure, social class, race, ethnicity, etc.

And I’m not saying you shouldn’t try to instill knowledge in others who you think would benefit and learn from it. All I’m saying is, don’t work yourself up a wall, obsessing over the potential of somebody else. People change for the better when they feel it’s necessary, for who they want to, and during a time where they feel is right for them. So don’t sweat it. Continue working on you.

**Final Thoughts**

People are the way they are for a reason. And oftentimes, those reasons are self-imposed. Do not allow yourself to constantly drain your energy on the trivial matters of others. Render your assistance wisely and remember that you are not the maintenance team for everyone else’s life.

As always, take care of yourself. Love you all!

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