“Sometimes you have to be kind to others, not because they’re nice, but because you are.” – Unknown

For those of you that may not have known, yesterday, November 13th, 2018 was in fact World Kindness Day. A day dedicated to well….kindness. Charity, fundraising, volunteerism, you name it!

And so in keeping with this week’s theme of promoting kindness, I decided to write on the topic at hand. Additionally, this is something I’ve been debating with others for quite some time now.

The perennial struggle in understanding that there indeed lies several differences between being deemed nice and being naturally kind.

And so tonight, I will be looking at these two constructs through both an internal and external lens to see how they stack up against each other.

Trust me, by the end of this post you should have the ability to decipher between the two with ease (or at least better than before).

(If you’re new to the blog, it’s really awesome to have you. And if you’re no stranger here, welcome back! In any event, I hope you truly enjoy this post.)

THE EXTERNALISM OF NICENESS

Okay, before delving deep into things, I first wanna throw some definitions out there. So according to the Dictionary app on my phone, (COUGH-Merriam Webster sponsor me-COUGH) nice can be defined as giving pleasure, being attractive, or being of good quality.

Fair enough, I thought. Although, what I found interesting were the synonyms linked to nice – seemly, befitting, and decorous. All of which gave me the idea that niceness was significantly linked to how something physically appears to others.

Think about it. Have you ever witness somebody verbally trashing somebody else in their absence, then when that persons passes by it’s all smiles and giggles, then upon their departure there’s a snide remark or jab by the same trash-talker?

I’m sure you have. Hell, you may even be guilty of such behavior yourself.

Well this is a prime example of being nice. We play the part and fit the role when the moment calls for it, when it’s most convenient. Then after the moment has expired we return to our normal selves.

Kinda like any Customer Service job. You behave all warm and pleasant in the company of a customer or client, (even if they’re being a complete douche) then when they’re out of hearing range you curse them to the depths of Hell. 

And just like Customer Service, the concept of nice can studied and imitated with little to no practice. For it consists of learnt mannerisms and behavioral platitudes. Knowing when to smile, using a calm, relaxed tone, portraying positive body language, and so on.

Truly anybody can be nice, it’s almost like acting. It’s about how you want those around you to perceive you, your image, and your reputation.

THE EXTERNALISM OF KINDNESS

Once again looking to Merriam Webster, (cough-sponsor me-cough) I see that the word kind has a more in-depth meaning.  That being..

Having or showing a gentle nature and a desire to help others. A liking to do good things and to bring happiness to others. Some stand-out synonyms for kind were: considerate, thoughtful, and attentive.

Now, after realizing how accessible the virtues of niceness are, you’re probably wondering how can one truly distinguish kindness. And the truth is, it’s almost impossible to do so. It honestly takes a more astute observation of individuals paired with a kick-ass sense of intuition.

For instance, a kind person doesn’t necessarily have to portray the giveaway signs of niceness. This is because the external man is of less importance to a kind individual.

The kind human will not care so much about having a squeaky clean reputation or putting on this front. Having their good deeds known is not a priority or major concern for them. The kind human will simply do what he or she feels is right in the situation and be done with it.

These are the types of people who commit unheard acts of kindness. They do really helpful things behind the scenes because they truly value that person or cause. They do things mostly for the sake of seeing others happy and prospering, not when it’s beneficial to them.

THE INTERNALISM OF NICENESS

When it comes to the internal side of being nice, a person’s motives (if any at all) are often self-centered and misguiding. Let’s put this into perspective with an example.

Meet Karen and Jill. They both work together at an animal shelter as trainees. Whenever an animal is successfully adopted by a loving family or if all the reports have been documented early, Karen would make it her mission to ensure her boss is aware of her diligence.

Jill on the other hand, is the one who appears less work-efficient but is actually comforting families who are apprehensive about adopting an animal by telling them about her own amazing pet experiences, or vouching for the particular animal being considered.

Jill too is ultimately contributing quite a lot to the success of the shelter. However, the difference lies in the fact that she does it without the intentions of making her deeds known or receiving praise from her employer.

Karen’s work-ethic is fueled mainly by her desire to receive recognition from her boss and possibly a raise. This is being NICE. On the other hand, Jill’s motives stem from her genuine desire to see families happy and to find those beloved animals a nurturing home. This ladies and germs, is being KIND.

It’s all a matter of why you do what you’re doing. Is it for covertly for you, or is it really for the sake of others?

THE INTERNALISM OF KINDNESS

Switching gears back to kindness, let’s analyse some of its major attributes. Firstly, unlike niceness, kindness is natural construct and cannot be turned off and on like a switch.

It comes from within and speaks profoundly to your intentions toward others and their well-being. It’s a matter of doing something because you genuinely want a person, cause, or situation to thrive.

Your good doing is not a means for you to receive attention, notoriety, or to be seen in the public eye as charitable.

Kindness is a natural desire, not a tool of convenience. It’s organic, made from the best stuff on Earth, with no artificial flavorings or preservatives!

**Final Thoughts**

To put it all in a nutshell, I think a little list would be appropriate:

NICENESS

• Can be learned and imitated for convenience.
• Intentions behind actions are usually self-centered (whether latent or known).
• Used as a means of seeking attention/praise for your good-doing.

KINDNESS

• Is a natural inclination; cannot alternate for the sake of convenience.
• Intentions are primarily selfless and done because of the genuine desire to evoke happiness, joy, fortune, etc. from others.
• Is NOT used as means to gain attention or to be seen as charitable.

Now that you have a better understanding of these two words, I hope you can use this information as not only a means of self-reflection, but as a way of better observing and understanding those around you.

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